This page, much like this site and my self-esteem, are undergoing a constantly unfolding and blossoming process of change and revision. For now, all the hyperlinks below will lead you to articles rendered in the much spat-upon and unfairly maligned PDF format.
Each of these articles will all eventually also have its own HTML page, and I'll be adding maybe a hundred OTHER articles that are HTML-only.
DON'T CLICK ON ANY OF THESE LINKS UNLESS YOU ARE AT LEAST 18! I FUCKING MEAN IT!
White Man Blames Women, Nonwhites for His Problems
Judge Orders Hitler to Undergo Therapy
The Cowardly Dog
Portland's White Community
Thrown Under the Bus
It's the Segregation Hit Parade!!! (from ANSWER Me! #4)
The Dangers Behind Lumberjack Chic
Dictatorship of the Retarded
Bad, Bad White Man
Penis Sizes of World Religious Figures
Priest Turns Confession Booth into "Erotic Lingerie Modeling Booth for Boys"
Virgin Mary's Face Appears in Wet Spot
Vaginal Palmistry
Sai Baba: Pedophile or Cool Fuckin' Dude?
Did Jesus Have Wet Dreams?
Blessed Are the Strong: The Power Team Smashes Things to Pieces—for Jesus!
Nunfucked: The Hidden Story of Sexual Abuse by Nuns
Divine Pimpin': How Cult Leaders Use Sex to Control Their Sects
The White House Shooter (from Shit Magnet)
Beyond the Bobbitts: Honoring History's Less-Famous Severed Penises
It's a Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape World (from ANSWER Me! #4)
Prey (from ANSWER Me! #4)
The Nice Stalker (from ANSWER Me! #4)
My Sick Mommy (from ANSWER Me! #4)
The Lingering Effects of Pre-Natal Violence (from Shit Magnet)
Let's Hear it for Violence Toward Women! (from ANSWER Me! #4)
The 101st Spectacular Suicide (from Shit Magnet)
The Punk Who Wouldn't Shut Up/a>(from ANSWER Me! #4)
Chuck Zito Can Kick Your Ass!
The Bad Mommy
Hilarious Deaths
The Haunted eBay Painting
Death: Yours and Mine (from Shit Magnet)
Whatta Way to Go!: The Morbidly Erotic Phenomenon of Death During Sex
Standing Alone at the Edge of a Crowd (from Shit Magnet)
Policemen Are Our Friends (from ANSWER Me! #4)
Obscenity (from Shit Magnet)
How to Say "I Love You" and "I Hate You" in 15 Languages
A Beginner's Guide to the Dirty ATL
Deep Impact 2008
You're Gonna Live Forever (from ANSWER Me! #4)
Amputation Nation (from ANSWER Me! #4)
Hell, Inc. (from Shit Magnet)
The Only Convict Who Couldn't Get Into Australia
Shanks for the Memories
Guide to Northwestern Prison Slang
Pleasuring Myself in Prison
You Meet the Nicest People in Prison
The Punk Who Wouldn't Shut Up (from ANSWER Me! #4)
Valentine's Day Prison Haiku
Republican Gash
Nuclear Moron
Don't Fuck With the Masons
Hillary Clinton Must Die (In Order to Prove She's Human)
World's Worst Dictators
Dead Heroes of the 1960s
Let's Invade Canada
Bay Aryan Resistance
War: What is it Good For? (Plenty)
Adult Films Made by Children
In Defense of Women With Bad Teeth
Trying to Make Sense of Women Who Love Bad Boys
Home Breast-Implant Kits
Cupid Busted for Sex Crimes
What Every Man Should Know About Cunnilingus
Genital Cosmetic Surgery
The Herbal Date-Rape Drug
PB 'n' AIDS!
Raped by a Gator!
Women Stink: The Distinguished Gentleman's Guide to Vaginal Odor
100 Quotes About Women
Wiener Dog Heartache
When Cunts Talk (review of The Vagina Monologues)
What About Us?
Weird Sexual Practices (and How to Perform Them)
We Are Family!
I Always Vote for BUSH
The Vanishing Handjob
Twats Wit' Tats
Tits Are for Kids
10 Steps to a Tighter Pussy
That's a Vagina!
That's a Penis!
Nobody Sux Like SUX Sux
Summertime Sexual Fun
SuicideGirls: All Girls, No Suicide
Strange Sex Laws
A Night at Stinky's
New Wave of STDs
Squirtin'!
When Spanking Isn't Wrong
The Slut, Reconsidered
Sharkee's
Sex v. Work
Sexual Myths
World's Funniest Sexual Dysfunctions
Worldwide Sexual Achievement Hall of Fame
Sex Toys That Time Forgot
Sex Slang
Biological Sex Freaks
Battle of the S&M Titans
Requiem for a Heavy Breather
Queefer Madness: Clearing the Air About Pussy Farts
Pug Porn
In Search of the Prostate Gland
Leggo My Preggo!
Positively Sex-Negative
Man Uses Photoshop to Give Himself a Bigger Penis
Performing Menial Labor as Sexual Foreplay
Taking Pictures of My Peen
Paraphilias
My One-Night Stands
Nutridick
Nudism: From the Volleyball Net to the Internet
Necrophilia
My Penis is Better Than Your Penis
My Muscular Ass
Funniest Yahoo! Fetish Groups
My Erogenous Zones
Muslim Girls Turn Me On!
The Implications of Morning Wood
In Praise of Mature Women
Interview With a Male Prostitute
Understanding the Male Nipple
Love v. Chocolate
I'm Lousy the First Time
Losing My Virginity
Local Couple Tries New Sexual Position
LeTourned-Out
What's With all the Lesbians?
Koro, Koro, Koro!
The Jack Shack
The Industry
Hot Muslim Twat!
Hot Amish Pussy!
Hillbilly Pussy Online
A Heat Wave in My Pants
Fun Penis Facts
Fun Vagina Facts
Rage Against the Fucking Machines
Financial Slavery
How Your Mouth Can Help You Keep a Man
Girls Just Wanna Have Food
Faking the Male Orgasm
Ex-Slaves Sue Dominatrix for Reparations
Ejaculating Blood
Dirty Words in Other Languages
The Cocks of Rock
My Cheating Heart
My Teenaged Celebrity Crushes
The Catholic Schoolgirl Fetish
Catfight!
Cash 4 Gash
Cafe BEEFCAKE
Brass Pole Babylon
Biting the Whore That Fed Me
Bird-Doggin'!: The Perils and Pleasures of Fucking Another Man's Woman
Man's Best Friends: The Legal, Ethical, and Personal Issues Surrounding Bestiality
The Auto-Suck
Wide World of Animal Cock
Adult Pet Finder
5 Seconds of Bliss
3 Coins in the Condom Machine
Police Finally Arrest Man Who Let the Dogs Out
I Feel Your Pain, Ike Turner
The Sound of God Yawning: Why Suicide Will Live Forever
Fucking Macho!: The Timelessly Burly Mood Music of Spaghetti Westerns
Surviving as Sinatra
Silver Spoons and Rotten Teeth
Hard 'n' Sweet: Why The Raspberries Might Be the Greatest Rock Band Ever
Hung Like a Genius: Roger Nusic's Weird, Wild, One-Man World
The Killing Songs
I Saw the Darkness (Interview With Hank Williams III)
Hey, Ma, I'm a Country Singer!!! (Big Red Goad Tour Diary)
Glam I Am: The Importance of Being Slade
Portland: Land of Dumb Band Names
Dead Musicians Are More Productive
Cobain Haiku
"I Can't Kiss You—It Smells Like Piss" (Chuck Berry's Alleged Piss Fetish)
Bo Diddley: America's Greatest Bitter Black Musician
Big Red Goad: A Truck Driver's Truck Driver, an Entertainer's Entertainer
Did Syd Barrett Find My Brain Tumor?
Bling Daddy Caddy: "Ain't No Fakin' Da Funk"
Rectal Foreign Bodies
Gay Hamburgers of Portland
Gay 'Bout Me!: My Sexual Fantasies About Myself
All the Gay Beasts of the Field
Out of the Closet and on the Open Road
70s Balls!
Beloved Assholes
Great Bad Movies of the Past 30 Years
Celebrities I Actually Hate
NASCAR: It Didn't Used to Suck
Drugs I Haven't Tried...Yet
Drug Workers Form Coalition
No Need to Die Twice: Why I'll Never Do "Special K" Again
Methturbation Blues
Mother Nature's Viagra
Where Has All the Angel Dust Gone?
Whiskey Dick: The Role of Intoxicants in Erectile Dysfunction
An Interview With Jim Goad (by Jim Goad)
My Top 5 Top 5s
Spastic Invasion
Poems
Ice Cream: It's Like Sticking a Piece of Heaven in Your Mouth
I Blew at Sports