the ladies SPEAK OUT about vaginal malice!

In our ongoing quest to make jimgoad.net more "interactive" and less exclusively the ravings of a Misogynist Mussolini, we are including passages from letters sent to Jim by the few women on earth who have found room in their hearts to forgive him.

A woman from Texas writes:

Jim: Saw the latest posting on the site and felt a desire to comment. You mention that friends and others, though understanding the ultimate need to beat the shit out of lil Miss Tragic, couldn't fathom why you'd gotten yourself tangled up in such a deep and dark pit of kaka in the first place. From the objective point of view of someone not involved and from reading your account of the facts, it seems pretty clear to me.

Initially, Ann pursued you with what sounds like a pretty dogged determination and hey who could blame a guy for going for it....especially given your state of female relationship at that point. But when it progressed into something more dangerous (for you), could it be possible that in no small part the sex itself, intense as it was, served to give you that connection to life that you needed in those dark months in which "skulls peered out of every mirror"? Understand, I'm not belittling by saying it was "just the sex". More that the power of it, dark as it sounds from reading your accounts, or BECAUSE it was rooted so deeply in the darkness where sex originates within us, provided that flame until you were able to claim back your life on your own terms? That's the feeling I'm left with from reading your account at any rate....

And you are very correct in your judgment of many women. (Ahem, not ALL dammit) I watched my ex-mother-in-law slowly suck into her web multiple men that fell for the big tit (fake), blonde, wide-eyed "oh my...but aren't you WONDERFUL!" gambit. Though she had a successful business of her own, as soon as she hooked up with some poor schmo and they moved in, she suddenly would quit working and they soon found themselves supporting her. It became somewhat amusing, after many years of seeing this pattern again and again to predict how long it would take each guy would get to which stage, early giddiness (lots of sex), slight disillusionment, confusion, slow dawning realization that suddenly they were saddled with more bills and responsibilities then they'd anticipated, resentment 'cuz the sex would suddenly stop, arguments, fighting and then she would throw them out because they'd become "sob" violent. It was truly astounding to watch the mental manipulations that ensued. And of course it goes without saying that she was the epitome of dishing out some of the most vile, hateful and physically provocative SHIT but as soon as it came back at her in kind she beat a path to our door to hide out and try to gain sympathy for how truly despicable all men are. I don't have to tell you how this played on my husband's psyche. Here he was given the task of playing protector for his mother against men who he absolutely sympathized with. Thankfully all the men quickly realized their chance at freedom and split.

One of the more amusing and telling incidences was during a fight when we were present for the early rounds. She goaded and belittled him all night, until we couldn't stand it and left. Shortly after we arrived home she was at our door in tears that he'd (GASP) thrown her on the bed, raised his fist, but pounded it in the pillow beside her head repeatedly. When asked what prompted that, she finally admitted throwing an iron at him. "But it wasn't like I even hit him, it missed his head by a good inch or two". Again, this is all fairly minor when compared to other things that I've witnessed and heard over the years. And of course her daughter, who at 39 has been married 4 times learned it all from dear mum's knee. (I take a certain amount of blame for the demise of marriage number two...succumbing to the advances of her husband shortly after my hub and I split).

And yes, many women do use their wiles to weasel out of situations whenever and however they can. This particular part of the female make up truly drives me insane, because the ones that are the worst at it will more often refuse to cop to the fact that they do it. Or if they do own up to it, they are the first to squawk if men express a bit of resentment about it....

So ok, you're right on many counts. But did I really need to tell you that? I don't think so. Now, of course I'M the height of justice and reason in every facet of my life. Sure I am. I mean, I truly do strive for that. Then why is it, faced with my boyfriend's infidelity several months ago... "...I'm totally contrite, I'm here, prostrate with grief and remorse, I'll swear I'll never do it again. How stupid I was, One more chance puhleeze. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.." Yeah, right, Get off your fucking knees. You're busted sugar, of COURSE you're sorry now.

I find myself staring at him peacefully snoring beside me and I have this almost overwhelming compulsion to take a crowbar to his little round head. The bigger of the two little round heads. A compulsion so strong that I've walked out in the garage in the middle of the night and felt the smooth, cool surface, lifted it, judged the heft and wondered if I had the strength to take him in one shot or would it simply stun him....

I understand the nature of the differences in men and women. Spreading the seed, blah blah, women are the keepers of the hearth, blah blah blah. I've thought about it alot and on a philosophical level I get it. Makes sense, always has. Now faced again (same shit happened in my marriage, but we'd become so distant emotionally it didn't hurt near as much) with the same situation, I find to my unending chagrin that all those sensible, coherent ideas have flown and I'm left with this bone shaking insecurity. I'm suspicious, feel like a nag, and that really PISSES ME OFF.

So here I am feeling just like so many of the women that I've held somewhat in contempt or at least felt pity for. Over emotional, can't move on, hanging on to it, obsessing over it, so fucking FEMALE. So yessirree Mr. James T. Goad, you are so very correct and women are indeed capable of extreme violent acts.... At the VERY least contemplating them to the nth detail, when sleep is distant, and at the very extreme carrying them to fruition, which you've had such intimate experience with....

Now have I acted on this compulsion? No of course I haven't. I have kids. (Yes, I'm a BREEDER too.) I have a responsibility to them that mom is not going to let some man with a wandering dick fuck up all of our lives by mommy spending time in prison. But if I didn't have that one thing to prevent me from doing it? I can't truthfully tell you that I wouldn't. And I'm not lying when I say that I am truly one of the most peaceful people (normally) that I know.... But I do believe him. I assume it was for the sex. So he says, and which I believe. Yeah, I love him, he's a worthwhile person. And how hypocritical of me would it be to hold so many ideas of human nature for so long, only to disregard them as soon as I get tested? As soon as it applies to ME?... And god knows I'm not one to judge having played my part in triangles before, long past. Karmic retribution perhaps? Could be, if so I'd accept it. Not that I wanted to break up any marriages. I begged one of them NOT to confess it to his wife. "PLEASE don't cause her such pain. How do I know? I've been there buddy. You say it's over? It's over, I respect, hell I admire your commitment to her and understand the guilt, but don't TELL HER." Needless to say the pussy desired absolution more and dumped it on her....

The other one I don't give a shit about. His ex wife is a bitch that I know absolutely had been screwing around on her husband for years. He was just stupid about it and she found out.... And why exactly am I dumping all this on you? Probably because any friend that I talk to is totally on my side. "Leave his ass, dump him." "Fuck HIM." "What a loser." The very few men friends I've talked to express the same, but at the same time I detect the unmistakable maneuvering to get into my pants. Objectivity!! Can't someone just be objective?? It's a pretty sad state of affairs that I feel this need to lay it out to some stranger (captive audience I guess) who shouldn't give a damn.... So, I recognize the cathartic need to express all of this and I don't expect or particularly desire a reply. I guess the things you expressed in the latest posting touched a nerve somewhat....

A woman from California writes:

Your specific circumstances have caused me to re-evaluate myself and rethink some of my long-standing mental blocks to be capable of not springing to an inbred compulsion to condemn.... I am the better person for it.... I actually think what you did was justified as retaliation, and had it been me, I would have stepped down from my lily-white militant feminist wanna-be Ivory soapbox long enough to kick her ass myself - so there.

A woman from Virginia writes:

Dear Jim: ... You say that Camille Paglia's assertion that men hit women out of a feeling of powerlessness is off-base, but then go on to describe a situation in which you hit a woman because you were, as far as I can see, powerless. If this girl was threatening your life—to the point where you were afraid to have her arrested knowing that she would only come back soon enough to kill you—aren't you describing a situation in which you'd lost "the ability or official capacity to exercise control, authority (definition of ‘powerless' from American Heritage Dictionary)"?

You may not have felt powerless over this girl's woman-ness (which I guess is what Paglia is suggesting in that quote), but you must have felt powerless knowing that, as a woman, this girl was getting away with (practically) murder and there was nothing you could do about it. If you could have escorted this girl to the police station confident that they would lock her up for 20 years, wouldn't you have done that rather than beat her up? Because you knew the police wouldn't help, you knew you needed to stay in Portland where this girl could find you. The only thing you didn't know was how to stop this dangerous person from destroying your life (possibly literally). That's powerlessness to me...

My opinion on this matter is based on my own experiences watching guys I know get deeply involved with insane and cruel women, and I've always been baffled as to why this seems to happen with such frightening regularity. While I've never had one single female friend get involved with a "dangerous" man, I have seen the reverse scenario over and over again...These kind of women are extremely dangerous (as are their male counterparts that we've all heard too much about) and not to be messed with. I hate them (possibly) as much as you do, and I always laugh in the faces of man-hating girls who innocently muse about how much easier life would be if they could just turn lesbo. Yeah, right, do that—now you've doubled the fucking chance of getting the air let out of your tires!... As you know, everybody (mostly; there's always my gay friend Paul who, when told your tale, said, "The bitch had it coming!") blames the man in a violent incident... So you're pissed off (rightly so, of course) because women get all the legal breaks, and I'm pissed off because perfectly sensible women like myself are not allowed to weigh evidence and make up their own minds. I'm now considering the fact that women who really are "shrieking for male blood" are simply bitches who know deep down that someone ought to sock them! They want the ones who might sock them locked up and ostracized so that they'll then be safe to plow through the world with reckless abandon.

A woman from Washington writes:

The one thing I can say is that neither Debbie nor Anne are truly masochistic. They reach out for that, but it's an attempt to create a new reality which they have more control over. Being a victim is a very powerful place in this society, because everyone is guilt-tripped into feeling a need to protect them... If Debbie and Anne were truly masochistic they wouldn't complain they were hit, they'd still be asking for more. Instead, they put themselves in harm's way to recreate some feeling of helplessness, only now feeling more powerful they did "something" about it. They each did their own "something." I saw Anne's online posts, and they were so obnoxious, such a sick cry for attention, that I can almost understand what you did. She seems like the sort of person that if someone started hitting her, they wouldn't stop for a long, long time.

A woman from Ontario writes:

I've never been so much as arrested. (That's the great thing about being a chick. You get away with murder. Police give you a stern dressing-down but never take you in. ‘Now, I realize you're upset, miss, but you shouldn't have ploughed that nice lady in the face like that, blah, blah.' A cute blink and you're out of there.)

A woman from California writes:

Reading your writing on jimgoad.net was so amazing because you are living proof of everything I believe about women and violence. I read an awesome book called When She Was Bad—it's by Patricia Pearson. Pearson has been roasted for writing such a blasphemous tome, but I am so glad she did. The book is the best collection of evidence I've ever seen on the point that women are not innocent does, but people capable of battery, abuse, murder... all the biggies.

I was first interested in all of this because it directly affected me. (Isn't that why things get to us? Der.) Growing up, my older sister (nine years older, Mom #2 pretty much) was very abusive. I won't bore you with pages of whining, but suffice it to say that I could never get anyone (parents, friends, etc.) to take her abusing seriously because, well, "She's a girl!" So since she's a she and not a he, she got to have her own personal punching bag. The first time I told my parents that she had hurt me (she strangled me and threw me up against a wall when I was seven or so, in front of witnesses)—my father said, "No she didn't, she would never do that!" My mom said nothing, and I learned to keep my mouth shut... But what I had viewed in my mind as being one isolated family dynamic is actually a mindset shared by most EVERYONE. WOMEN GOOD! MEN BAAAAAD! No wonder I'm nauseous all the time.

The physical abuse stopped when I was 17 and punched my sister and told her she better not think about ever touching me again or she'd get punched again. Strange how effective that can be! And you know and I know and maybe a handful of others know that if my brother had been the culprit instead of sis that no one would have said, "No he didn't!" They would have believed it and most likely thrown an anatomically correct doll at me for me to act out our nonexistent sex scenes for their pleasure...

I wrote a zine (sorry mom, sorry dad) in the 90's... I quit writing it a while back after loathing my audience for years. Isn't that gross? Well, being female and writing a zine these days that isn't pre-pubescent Tori Amos-loving collage "art" will get you fans. And most of them are really horrible young girls who think they have everything figured out. They think all men are evil devil oppressors, all women are saints. They compete among themselves over who is the most victimized, the most "oppressed." It's so ugly—it's a sick popularity contest with the girl with the most rapes under her belt crowned as post-riot grrrl princess. Ugh...

Before I stop talking about the world of zines and hysterical stupid people, I have to get this one off my chest. Do you remember Doug Holland? (He edited Pathetic Life and then Zine World.) Doug gave me a lot of good advice when I was first starting out, such as: 1.) get a PO Box and, 2.) if Anne R. ever contacts you, run like hell.

That was before all of your trouble with her. I never doubted that she was all too capable of what she did to you because I was already aware of her reputation as a violent girl prone to stalking zine kids. Her entire stance as a victim had me giggling until it put my second-favorite-living-writer (that's you!) in prison. Then I stopped giggling...

The other piece I'm enclosing is by Betty Friedan's ex-husband, Carl Friedan. Betty wrote The Feminine Mystique back in '63. She is also the ugliest woman in the world... She just published her memoirs this year, in which she portrays herself as a victim of domestic violence. Her ex-husband Carl, who was married to her for 19 years (they divorced in '67) is now an 80-year-old man who put up a website to defend himself against the press who are now hailing him as THE MAN WHO ABUSED BETTY FRIEDAN. His story is interesting to say the least, and sadly too familiar. Should I tell you about the girl I met in the "zine community" - a self-professed feminist - who throws glass bottles at her boyfriend's head when she feels like he's not paying enough attention to her?... Or a former friend of mine who punched her boyfriend-of-two-months in the face and chipped his tooth when he said he didn't want to date her anymore?... Ay yi yi...