anne ryan to sean tejaratchi
all calls are from tuesday, october 13, 1998


CALL 1 from Sean to Anne 11:25 am

SEAN: If you want to talk to me, call me soon. I'm going out, it's about 11:25, I'm going out for a couple of hours. Bye.

CALL 2 from Anne to Sean 11:25 am


SEAN: Oh, hi.

I just have one last thing to say to you.

Sure, hold on, hold on.


Because there are people in my room.


Just a minute ... Okay.

I just—I have no guilty conscience whatsoever, and you can tell Jim I take great pleasure in the fact that he's suffering, and I know exactly what he's going through, because I've spent time in jail, of course not as much time as him, and I think he fully deserves everything he's getting, and I hope he goes away for a long, long time. And that's it.

I've got one thing.


We figure it was you who sent the package of stuff to James, to his [Jim's] boss.

What package of stuff?

The writings of ANSWER Me!

That's complete bullshit. That's not true.

Why wouldn't it be you?

I don't know. But it wasn't me. Because other people hate him besides me.

And you said you'd jerk off because Debbie was dying?


I remember when Jim told me you'd jerked off to "Let's Hear It for Violence Toward Women!"


So it's pretty fucking sick.

Yeah. So's he ... I never said I wasn't pretty fucking sick. But so what? So I'm the worst person in the world according to you. You couldn't fathom a fate worse than being me.

Well, no, you just said that the violence turns you on. You're jerking off to it, the violence turns you on.

No, I wasn't meaning literally.


The violence does not turn me on.

Well, that's what that whole recording is that's the topic of the recording. Of "Let's Hear It for Violence Toward Women!"

I just told that to Jim to impress him.


I didn't actually do that.

Um-hmm. I figure everything you tell me is pretty much true, right?

Mmm. You think he's going to get off, on January 18th?

Well, that's definitely what I hope.

Hahahaha. He's going to prison, Sean. I will laugh so hard in your face. I will laugh so hard. And he's going. You know he is.

So you'll get him back, huh?

You know he's going. No! He's going to prison.

You're certain of it, huh?

I know it.

We'll see.

And the fact that the D.A.'s super-confident makes you super-confident?


Is he super-confident? Are you super-confident he'll get off?

Not super-confident. But it's looking good.

That he'll get off? We'll see.

I guess so.

Bye, lovey. [hangs up]

CALL 3 from Anne to Sean, early afternoon


So tell me what makes you so confident.

Why would I do that?

Well, you have nothing to lose, it's looking so good.

I have nothing to lose by telling the opposing side in a legal battle what exactly makes me feel confident about this side?


Does that make sense to you? I'll tell you—THAT makes me confident. The fact that that's the way your mind works makes me confident, I guess. That makes no sense. I'm not going to tell you anything about that.

Why? No, I'm not asking to tell me specifically what the defense's strategy is going to be. I'm asking you just generally why you're confident. Can you tell me that?

I don't think I can.

You can't tell me why you're confident. Why you have a good case? You can't tell me that? Because you can't say that I'm insane, you can't say because you can't tell me?

No. I guess I can't. Jim's lawyer told me not to say shit about it.

That's funny.

And what makes you confident?

Well, I have plenty of things that I'm not saying shit about, either.

Well, there you go! I'm not asking you to! Real fucking brainteaser, huh?

I think it's funny that you think he's going to get off just totally scot-free and going to walk. It think that's pretty funny.

I think it's pretty funny that you're so damned confident. I think it's even funnier that the D.A. is so damned confident. That damn near makes me piss my pants.


Because being around you, and he's still confident, that makes him an idiot.

Well, he's not an idiot, he's won like 95% of his cases.

I guess that makes the legal system incredibly stupid. But it still makes him an idiot.

Well, you probably think most defense attorneys are idiots, most cops are idiots.

Unlike you, who's got nothing but the most solid respect for the law.

I do now.

Uh-huh. Well, are you going to go turn yourself in for the Darcy thing, then?

No! Because there's no charges.

It would be the right thing to do, Anne.

There's no charges, Sean.

Yeah, but there would BE charges if you just went and told people what you did!

It doesn't exist.

No, but you could make them exist by doing the honest thing. See what I mean?

No, I don't.

You don't think that admitting your crime to the authorities would be an honest thing?

It's not a crime.

It's not a crime to clock people in the back of the head with axe handles? Well, you should come over here!

It's not a crime unless there's a charge.

And why don't you go and turn yourself in, then?

Because that's not what this case is about. Turn myself in? Who would I turn myself in to? Nobody! There's no charge! There's no warrant!

If you commit a crime, and you tell people, they will make a case for it.

It's a fairy tale. It doesn't even exist.

It's a fairy tale that you've admitted to all these different people.

Where am I being charged? Who's knocking on my door to charge me? Where are the charges?

Why don't we start some charges.

Try. Try, boy. [hangs up]

CALL 4 from Anne to Sean, early afternoon


You ain't going to see Jim for 15 [years], baby.

I'm sure that's what you think, and I know it makes you sleep better, but, you know, I guess reality will be another matter.

We'll see on the 18th.

We definitely will.

We will, baby. I'm gonna spit in your face, Tej. [hangs up]

CALL 5 from Anne to Sean, early afternoon


And one other thing. At least Jim had looks. You're one of the most physically appalling men I've ever seen in my life—

—Oh, my God, don't say that! Please, Anne!

You're such a fag. You're such a fag.

I thought I mattered to you, I thought I mattered to you.

[she hangs up]

CALL 6 from Anne to Sean.
Phone message left between 6:45 pm and 7:15 pm

Um, yeah, it's your best friend in the whole world, and I'm just wondering if you know about a few incidents that I just thought of, because you know I don't have all day long, 16 hours a day to sit there in a tiny room and think about the whole relationship. But, there were three different times during our year-long period when I, too, and this is documented, tried to get away from him, and he begged me to come back to him. I'd be more than happy to tell you all about it. If you want to call me, and it's pretty fucking funny. So ... and it's pretty fucking hysterical because he claims that he was trying to get away from me,and he was just as obsessed with me as I was with him. Or else he wouldn't have been there as much as he was. So, if you want to hear about it, or if not, I'm just so frustrated because you just don't even know the other side to the story. You don't. You don't know nothing about it. All you've been talking to is him, and you haven't heard a thing from me. All you hear about is May 29th—I can bring up shit on him pertaining to this relationship, and me trying to get away from him, and him begging me to come back. That happened January, March, and May. If you want to hear about it, give me a call. [end of message]

CALL 7 from Anne to Sean.
Phone message left between 6:45 pm and 7:15 pm

Alright, just don't even call me up, I prefer to tell it to you right now. And maybe you can ask him if he recalls this because he kind of neglected to leave this out [sic]. I'm sure he's claiming that he was just trying to get away from me the entire time. [unintelligible] That he was just protecting me. B.S. There were so many times I never wanted to see his fucking face again, and I said it. January, '98—after we had been residing together, in Russ's apartment, okay, for like, a month and a half, he decided he wanted to kick me out, [EDITOR'S NOTE—it's a telling sign of Anne's "logic" that she "tried to get away from" Jim during an incident in which he was kicking HER out of HIS apartment!] that he needed his space, dadadada, whatnot, I was so depressed over that, I cried my eyes out, I agreed to that. Once he dropped me off at my mom's house, you know what happened? Four hours later, or perhaps a little bit longer, it was later in the day, I get a call from a sobbing Jim, that he visited the mental-health treatment facility, that they couldn't help him because he couldn't smoke pot [and receive free treatment], and he said he was so depressed over Debbie, and that if I didn't come and spend the night with him, after he threw all my shit into the garbage bags and dropped it off at my house, that if I didn't come back and spend the night with him he was going to kill himself! And then he drove over here, and [unintelligible phrase] I held his hand, for two hours, after he told me he never wanted to see me again, and I said that was fine, I never want to see you again, either. And then he called me, after I was dropped off at my mom's house, and he said that he needed to see me again. I agreed to see him again. So it was just constantly just push, pull, push me away, pull me back in, push me away, pull me back in. All that fucking restraining order bullshit was that's all that was in May, and that's all it was the whole time that he's trying to say he's getting away from me. Because it was just a matter of him, like he did, literally, dozens and dozens of times, throw me out of the fucking car, punch me, and then reel me back in. That's his game. So whatever this, this little self-defense plea—bullshit! [hangs up]

CALL 8 from Anne to Sean.
Phone message left between 6:45 pm and 7:15 pm

And then he said after he took out the restraining order on me, and then I said—and two days later, then I sent those emails, and I said, "I don't care-take them to the police." He took them to the police, do you know what? Then he called me up at my house, he told me that he told the police, and I said, "I don't give a shit if I'm arrested, Jim—I don't give a shit," because I wanted to die, I wanted to kill myself. [unintelligible] When I drank poison [unintelligible], when I picked up Tyco's [the Chihuahua] dog shit and spit it back in his face and told him that's what I thought of him, and said whatever. He, after the restraining order, still ... told me to come with him, that he loved me and couldn't live without me, told me he'd cut off his dick, and we saw each other every single day, from that restraining order time, after I cut all my hair which was a week after the restraining order, cause I wanted to die, every single day. This was his line: "I'll cut off my dick, Anne! Oh my God, I can't live without you, I need you, I'm crazy, we're sick, dadadada." Okay? He was just so much into it, just as much as I was. And so he went over the line, just as much as I was. I would gladly have stayed away, and I said this, on May 29th, in the morning, I turned to him and I said, "Jim, it's over, for good." He kidnapped me. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. And that's it. I didn't even get thrown out of the car until after I was repeatedly beaten, and terrorized, unlike he'd ever done before, for over ten minutes. That's the whole story. [end]

CALL 9 from Anne to Sean 11:30 pm
Tuesday night, after Sean leaves a message back to her


Debbie dead yet? Do you think she's going to make it 'til January?

I don't know, do you think she is?

I don't think so.

Hmmm. I bet you're going to just masturbate furiously over that.


Mmmhmm. You're fucked.

You're fucked.

Deeply fucked, Anne.

I'm fucked? By whom?

By yourself. You were born that way.

Do I have cancer? Do I have freedom?

I don't know which I'd rather have—to be Debbie dying or you alive.

Would you rather be me, Jim, or Debbie? Whose fate is worse?

I think I'd rather be Jim.

Okay. That's good. What if Jim gets sentenced, to seven-and-a-half years, at least?

I'd still rather be him. You're just a walking human turd.


You're just a walking human turd.

And what are they? You said you believed in, like, you know, karmic payback? How do you justify what's happened to them?

I said cosmic justice.

Did I create Debbie's cancer? I suppose I did that, too.

No, no, what about the other one, though? There's another. Now Jim. Did you do that one? Yeah, you did.

Now I did—he punched me. He did that to himself. He assaulted me. He did that one.

You assaulted him lots of times.

He assaulted me lots of times! I never assaulted or kidnapped him or assaulted him in the second degree. I never swelled his eye shut. You're fucked. See you on the 18th, baby.

You got it, baby.

You got it, baby. [hangs up]