anne ryan to sean tejaratchi
all calls are from monday, october 12, 1998


CALL 1 from Anne R. to Sean Tejaratchi about 5:50 am

Sean: Hello.

Anne: I hate you so fucking much. [end of call]


CALL 2 from Anne to Sean about 5:50 am

I call back, she says, "Your boy is going away for 15 years. 15 years, 15 years, 15 years," then hangs up.


CALL 3 from Sean to Anne about 5:52am

Anne: Do you have something to say to me?

Sean: [laughs] Fuck you, too.


CALL 4 from Anne to Sean, about 5:55 am

Anne: We'll see who's laughing on January 18th when your boy's going in for 15 fuckin' YEARS.


CALL 5 from Sean to Anne, about 6:00 am

[phone rings, her voice mail picks up]

Sean: Hey, Anne, I just want you to know how stupid I think you are. I think it's really important that you know that. I just want you to know how completely pathetic I've always thought you are and just that the tradition continues fills me with joy and satisfaction. You're just a goddamned fool, I swear to God. And, you know, I think you'll get yours, too. I think there is some sort of cosmic justice and I think that you're going to get yours pretty soon, too. It makes me really happy. I don't think Jim's going to get quite what you want him to get, but you're such a fucking stupid baby that, well, just enjoy these days. I want you to enjoy them, I want you to stew in your own little juices for awhile. I guess that'll make me happy. So long, little baby, bye-bye. Oh!

[anne picks up]

Anne: It's like you said on the message that I was always stupid and pathetic. That you never said that to my face.

Sean: Because I never really realized that you were until now. I never really thought that that was what was going on.

Can you explain yourself more? That's really vague. I mean, you thought I was somebody else, but now you've realized I'm a different person?

Have you ever looked at someone's behavior later on and realized that that was going on all the time you knew them?

What behavior are you referring to?

A million different things of you acting incredibly stupid and pathetic.

Like what?

Tell you what: why don't you guess?

No, why don't you name ONE?

[laughs] Let's see...

If it's so stupid and pathetic, why wasn't it obvious to you at the time?

Because it's easy to misinterpret someone's actions if you think something else is going on.

Well, be specific. Exactly what did you think was going on when I was doing all these outlandish things? And now you realize they're stupid and immature and babyish. At the time, what, you thought they were a performance? You enjoyed them at the time and now you regret...

No, I thought they probably were a performance, but in light of what's happened it seems pretty clear that they weren't performances at all, they were the real thing. You calling up Chloe, leaving messages...

Jim did that, too.

No, he didn't.

Yes, he did!

No he didn't-you know, I've talked to Chloe and she doesn't recall a single message that he left. You called up numerous times, each time in a different voice, and left messages...

And Jim did as well. Does she have any of those messages on tape? I'd like to hear those, because Jim's voice is on that message. And if I'm so crazy and insane and have all these psycho personalities, etc., etc., etc., why was Jim seeing me every single day?

People do really dumb things. I think that's really established here. I don't think that's really some mystery at all.

Well, he did a really dumb thing by beating the shit out of me on the 29th.

And you've done lots of dumb things by beating the shit out of him previously!

He beat the shit out of me previously! Never to the point, neither of us, to what he did on the 29th! Never to the point!

Last time I talked to you it was a matter of you biting him so that you could do damage. Every time you attacked him you tried to do damage, but you weren't able to.

Same with him on me! Same with him on me! Why wouldn't he go to court on the 29th? Because he knows he doesn't have a case! The D.A. is so confident about this, it's not even funny. He's GOING to prison. It's going to be so funny, and I will spit on your face and laugh at you on the day he does.

That's exactly it... [she hangs up]


CALL 6 from Anne to Sean, about 6:05 am

[singing] You ain't getting out on the 29th! You can say I did everything... [unintelligible]

I remember when you ate dog shit.

I assaulted Darcy, I ate dog shit, I did all that, [still singing, gloating, disgustingly gleeful] and I ain't going to prison for it! And Jim's going to prison for the 20 months, baby! Lick my twat! Lick my twat!

You don't care what you did?

I care, I care, and I ain't-I'm getting off! I don't get charged against me, Sean! Jim does! Jim has charges! He's going to prison!

No matter what you do? No matter all the things you've done?

He's going to prison! Where's the charges at, baby?! Where's the Darcy charges?! They haven't been brought up!

You can hit someone and-you're just gloating. See?

There's no case! No case! Yes I can! I can do whatever I want! And he's going to prison, baby! Bye-bye! [hangs up]


CALL 7 from Anne to Sean 6:20 am

[Sean picks up]

Anne: He's in that little jail cell now, in that blue uniform—

—Nothing that you do matters?

He hasn't had it on for four months! He hasn't had a woman in four months! I love it! I love it! I love it! Love it! Love it! Love it! [hangs up]


CALL 8 from Anne to Sean 7:10 am

It doesn't matter that I'm crazy. Don't matter that I hit Darcy. No matter that nobody likes me in Portland. He's still-going-to prison. He's still—

Does it matter to you at all? What you've done?

No. Not at all.

You could do anything and it doesn't matter?

Yes! It's no State of Oregon vs. Anne R., baby, nuh-uh.

Anything you do?

He's got two felonies. When the court of law brings it into my face—

You hit Darcy-doesn't that count to you?

Nope, it don't count, cause I don't got no charges on me, Sean! [hangs up]


CALL 9 from Sean to Anne, about 7:15 am

Yes?

That's exactly it. You're doing exactly what I thought-exactly why I thought you were stupid back then, you're doing it now.

Doing what?

You're completely overlooking everything you do just so that you can point out what someone else has done. There's absolutely no connection in your head.

Sean! Sean! There's a legal case going on. It's not the State of Oregon vs. Anne R..

I'm talking right and wrong in a general sense.

Okay if he's right, how come he's in jail?

Because there's more going on than—

Oh, you are so funny, honey! He's in jail. He's going in for years, to prison. Laugh your ass off! I love it! I fucking love it! Every single bit of it!

Why?

I love it. I just fucking love it. [hangs up]


CALL 10 from Anne to Sean, about 7:20 am

You know what? I just figured it out. Because, you know what the line was that Jim kept saying to me when he was punishing me, that day when he was driving me up to the hills, he kept saying, "It's Carrie, bitch," and I think that's why I finally figured out I loved it, because it is, and now I'm having my revenge and I'm destroying all of you, it's just pretty beautiful to me. It's complete victory!

You're not destroying me.

Your little boy that you've been taking care of, it's going to be seven months, he's going to go to prison.

He's a friend of mine. I know you and I know him and I think I can figure out what went on.

He's going to prison, Jim, er, Sean. He's going to prison. He is going to prison! [kissing noises, then whispers] He's going to prison! [hangs up]


CALL 11 from Anne to Sean, about 7:25 am

And um, pull out a single fucking picture out of your ass, besides those ones of him that he scratched up his face right after he assaulted me, and fucking bloodied up his nose-find one of Darcy, find one of Chloe, find one of Bwana Spoons where it's EQUAL to where he kicked my ass. Find one! Find one!

Yeah, you clocked Darcy in the back of the head and you didn't take pictures of it.

Baby—

—it doesn't even matter to you?

Baby—where's the case? Where's the case? Where's the case? Where's the case? Hey, it'll matter to me if there's a case in my face, but there ain't no case! Because it was a catfight. It was not the same as what Jim did—

—A catfight is where one person clocks another in the back of the Head when she turns around? That's a catfight to you?

Where's the case? This is about May 29th.

This is me telling you exactly what you're all about.

Jim Goad vs. the State of Oregon, May 29th. May 29th. He talk about it? Tell me what happened May 29th? Tell me what happened that morning.

Tell me what happened with Darcy.

It's not about that. I'll tell you about it when I'm on the stand.

That's what's my point is all about.

I'll tell you about it when I'm on the stand, motherfucker ... You fucker. You motherfucker—

—Who pulled the weapon out of the bag and clocked her?

You motherfucker. Suck my fucking dick, you motherfucker. You're going down. [hangs up]


CALL 12 from Sean to Anne, 7:29 am

Jim's getting his wakeup call right now! Oh, I've been there, baby, you ain't been to jail. He's havin' a good time. [hangs up]


CALL 13 from Anne to Sean, 7:35 am

That picture he took of me from December, 1997, dated there on the fucking photograph, of me, with a fucking black eye. So go around that, motherfucker.

You what?

Me with a black eye. From him, December 1997.

You have a picture of that?

Yes I do. And it's dated. And we got lots more, too, motherfucker. [hangs up]


CALL 14 from Sean to Anne 7:45 am

[Anne's voice mail picks up]

Sean: Hey, that's funny. I just remembered standing with you on the street corner having a conversation about how you wanted him to hit you and how it wasn't working out and he couldn't hit you hard enough, in your opinion. But you wanted him to hit you so that you'd get some sort of pity vote and you'd get some extra money for school. You'd get something that you'd wanted, I can't remember the exact details. It's too early in the morning to recall exactly what you said, but you know, I hope you do have a photograph of it because I've already told him about when we were standing there talking about it. And the only problem that you had with it was that you hadn't really got anyone to hit you hard enough, and there was no mark yet. So, you know? Run with it, go for it, that sounds like a hundred-dollar plan. Go for it. Good luck.


CALL 15 from Sean to Anne 7:45 am

Motherfucker, you're so fucking stupid. That was April, I was wearing a short skirt. It wasn't fucking December. I didn't even have a coat on. And that was about my SSI hearing, April 16th!

You know what? Jim's not getting laid, but he's having visitors, plenty of female visitors, and I'm sure that when he gets out, he's going to stay the hell away from you.

In 15 years, baby. We'll see if he makes it through.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, we'll see if he makes it through 15 years in prison. [laughs, hangs up]


CALL 16 from Anne to Sean about 7:50 am

How's our cancer patient?

Like you care.

I love it, I hope she dies today. [hangs up]


CALL 17 from Anne to Sean about 7:52 am

I'm soooo happy right now. Just tell that to Jim and Debbie both. I am so fucking happy.

She's feeling like shit lately, she's going through chemo again.

That's awesome! [hangs up]


CALL 18 from Anne to Sean about 7:55 am

And who took the picture of me with the axe handle, less than an hour after I assaulted her?... And who laughed his head off? Oh, it was you! But it was amusing to you because you, being your little fanboy self thought whatever Jim did was cool. And when Jim thought dating Anne was cool, then that was cool with you...

Don't you remember when I talked to you in Umbra Penumbra [a nearby cafe] and I thought, "What are you doing with Jim?" and I asked you that and you were kind of freaked out by it?

When I was going through my abortion?

I don't think so.

What are you talking about? When we first started going out?

I think when you first started going out and I said, "I heard that you were going out with Jim," I was concerned for Jim.

Yeah!

Yeah. I didn't think it was that great. I thought, you're trouble.

And he's not?

Well, he doesn't fuck with people like you're fucking with people.

Did he fuck with me on May 29th?

And what about now?! And what about Darcy?

You took a picture of it! Yes we did, Sean! you took a picture of it! It was the same day that I took a picture of you from the same roll of film. It's dated, I have all the negatives! From the same roll of film—

I didn't take a picture of you—

Yes, you took a picture of me with the fucking axe handle, and I was like, all smiling and stuff!

Oh, my God, Anne, you have no idea-I've never SEEN the axe handle!

You are so fucking stupid. You're such a fucking liar! You're lying about everything!

Why would I lie about this?!

You lied because you lying about everything else!

This isn't going to do me any good to lie about this. I never saw the actual axe handle.

Yes, you did, Sean! you may not recall it, but I told you, you took the picture of it. And you took a picture of me and Jim. Yes, you did. Yes—you did. And you laughed.

And where is the picture?

I have it in my house. And you laughed. You laughed. How come you didn't say, "Oh, my God, that poor girl, why'd you do that?" That was not your reaction. You thought it was great at the time.

I thought it was great at the time?

That was your reaction!

I can't imagine that I would ever think that's great.

You remember when we told you about it?

I remember being told about it, yeah.

And where were we? We were in your apartment above Ozone [Record Store]. And I had a camera.

And you don't care that you did that?

That's not the point! You didn't care at the time! Now you care, but at the time because you think it cancels out the fact, and so does Jim—

—No, it doesn't cancel out, it makes it a complete act of—it's so reprehensible that you would hold Jim against, like, this is what you're holding against Jim...This is what you've got against him when you've done exactly the same thing.

It's not exactly. Show me the emergency-room pictures.

It's worse!

Show me the stitches!

It's worse!

No, what he's done to me is worse! Do you think what I've done to him is worse? Ha ha ha ha! We'll see him in prison. It's so fucking wonderful. It's so beautiful, I couldn't be happier. And Debbie'll be dead, soon, too. My life is wonderful. I'm going to jerk off to it, I love it. [hangs up]


CALL 19 from Anne to Sean about 8 am

You know why I'm happy about it?

About what?

About Jim being in jail, and Reading Frenzy closing down, and Debbie having chemotherapy, and all the bad shit's that happened to all you guys, cause all you guys are my enemies. And all you guys have done me wrong. You wonder why I have no compassion for you?

So this is revenge or something?

Well, it's the same way that Jim wanted me to die! Fuck yeah!

When did he say that?

He said that on May 29th! He said he was going to kill me!

If he wanted to kill you, you'd be dead, I guess. I mean, it sounds like he had the opportunity to kill you—my God, why aren't you dead if he wanted to kill you?

Well, because he wanted to kill me and then he changed his mind, I guess, 20 minutes into—

—Well you wanted to kill him! You left death threats, you've done all this... completely attacked him numerous times.

Hmm. I attacked him. Did he go to the emergency room? Did he have stitches? Did he have several facial fractures?

He's got photographs of him damaged by you.

Yeah. With his left eye completely swollen shut and blood was pouring from it for two days?

No, but he's got severe bite marks on him that I've seen photographed.

So do I. So do I. I've got severe bite marks.

So you're even, Anne!

No we ain't even! We are not even! We're not even! He's got kidnapping against him. I never kidnapped him. And that's a Measure 11 crime.

He drove you from one place to another. That's kidnapping. Yeah, well, technically it is, I guess it is. I guess that's the definition.

It's against my will, baby. It's against my will, so that's it.

So he's going to jail.

He's going to prison! And he's going to be there three months longer. He could have got his sentence shorter if he wanted to go on the 29th. We've been ready to go since July. If he's so confident that this is self-defense why doesn't he just get up there and get the trial over with?

He has a new lawyer.

I heard that. So?

You're just disregarding everything you've done. And that's why I think you're pathetic and stupid. That's not the case. That's why I've always thought that.

You've always thought that. This didn't happen until May 29th.

I knew that you were bad news. I knew that you were dumb. I knew that you were vengeful, that you wanted all sorts of fucking things to happen that didn't happen your way and so now...

And he was dumb and vengeful and wanted things to happen his way and I didn't end the affair like he wanted it to end.


Everybody's dumb and vengeful but you take the fucking cake.

And he didn't take the cake on May 29th?

You're going to take it your whole lifetime. And apparently what you're saying "May 29th?" My God, you're going to fucking be YOU for the rest of your life. I can't imagine a worse fate.

I'm not in jail, though, I have my freedom.

No matter what you've done, though. Yeah, it doesn't matter to you what you've done, you've got your freedom.

Mmm-hmm. I'm not any worse than Jim Goad in terms of ethics, and what I've done to humanity, and contributed to society, positive or negative. I'm no worse than Jim.

You're no better.

Yeah! Exactly! You're saying that I'm pathetic and that it's a terrible fate to be me, and that he's just some fucking political prisoner, oh my God, hero, he shouldn't be in jail.

You know what? Jim would not try and pull the shit you're pulling.

Why did he pull the shit he pulled on May 29th? Yes, he would! If I did to him what he did to me on May 29th, you bet your fucking ass he would. You bet your ass he would!

No way, and you know it.

You know it! You know it! You know he would.

I think everyone who knows him knows he wouldn't pull shit like this, and everyone who knows you—

—What shit am I pulling? I'm not doing anything! This is not my case!

Of course it's your case!

I can't drop the charges! If I went to the D.A. and told him to drop the charges—

— You don't want to drop the charges, Anne!

I can't do that!

You don't want to! I mean, it's pretty clear you don't want to. You're totally into this.

I'm not "totally into this."

You're calling me up, bragging about it. You're into it.

I'm not bragging about it. I called you to confront you on if you've always thought I was pathetic, a wimp, a horrible person, somebody you can't imagine a worse fate than fucking Hitler and the question is, "Why did you constantly talk with me for over two years?"

Because even if a person's crazy, as long as they're not doing damaging stuff, I'm fine with it.

As long as I'm not doing anything damaging! You contradict yourself so many times, it's so beautiful. You said I was so predictable for doing this, and then the next time you said my behavior was astounding. I mean predictable is sounding like the complete opposite of one another. Predictable as in: A crazy fucking person will do things. You said it's okay for a person to be crazy as long as they're not damaging, but then you just said that I damaged and hurt so many people.

I didn't realize how much you'd hurt him. I didn't realize until I saw photographs, and police reports, and heard the death threats you left on his machine.

Did you see the photographs and police reports from May 29th?

No, I didn't.

Okay, take a look. [hangs up]


CALL 20 from Anne to Sean about 8:10 am

Again?

Yeah, I just wanted to tell you, just for your own sake, so that you didn't waste your time, his injury pictures, besides the ones that Debbie took, after he made those little phony scratch marks on his face and cut his nose.

You know, they are on kind of parts of the body that I think it would be hard to actually get to.

[laughing] He's saying on the 29th I did that. That is so hysterical. That's a flat-out fucking lie. Anyway, the photos that he has prior to that, from May 3rd, there are photos from me that exact same day of me with a busted lip, bleeding mouth, and bleeding ear, okay?

Who took those?

The police. And we have them. Bye bye. [hangs up]