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jimgoad.net :: worldwide sexual achievement hall of fame
Worldwide Sexual Achievement Hall of Fame
Honoring Ordinary People and Their Extraordinary Sexual Feats
Over a span of 16 years ending with his death from a heart attack in 1982, Herb Maalox of Cleveland, OH, digitally pleasured himself to climax 6,322 times without once cleaning up his mess.
LARGEST GENITAL WART
Until it was removed by government physicians in 2001, Plangence Trafalgar of Nottingham, England, carried an HPV cluster between her legs described as “bigger than the Hope Diamond.”
BIGGEST DIFFERENTIAL IN TESTICLE SIZE
Mervyn Sleet of Cairns, Australia, had one testicle weighing 24.5 grams, while the other weighed only three gramsa difference of more than 800%!
LARGEST ARTIFICIAL PENIS
In 1953, Edd Bullhorn of Safford, AZ, cemented a nine-foot stretch of rubber tubing onto his penis and walked around town one hot summer evening, bragging about it. Due to health concerns, both the penis and the rubber tube were later removed.
MOST ITEMS LIFTED WITH ERECT PENIS
Pars Vellum, a Sephardic magician/prestidigitator/somnambulist from the Ukraine, would routinely wow audiences by using his penis to lift a large bale of hay on which slept a baby burro.
LARGEST ITEM MOVED WITH PENIS
Canadian underwater daredevil R. Michael Meteor once swam from Vancouver to Victoria Island toting a boat with six adult passengers using only his penis and a length of nautical rope.
LONGEST PUBIC HAIR
In protest against British imperialism, Hindu shaman Pardu Cukta once grew a testicular hair that was said to reach all the way from his yoga mat across Chutney Street in Calcutta and down 32 steps into the River Ganges.
MOST ATTRACTIVE SEX OFFENDER
It is generally agreed that Orson Corsica of Ghent, Belgiuma man who raped over three dozen rural Belgian women and a handful of Dutch touristswas the most charismatic, physically striking, and all-around “gobble-icious” sexual predator ever to sexually prey upon people.
FEWEST AVERAGE THRUSTS BEFORE EJACULATION
Tod Croppy, an itinerant snow shovelman from Anaconda, MT, engaged in 1,289 acts of coitus during his lifetime while making only 2,216 total thrustsan average of only 1.7 thrusts before ejaculating!
Acting on a drunken dare, Kongtiq’a Veldone of Gary, IN, once inserted a Samsung VCR/DVD player entirely within her womb.
BEST MEMORY REGARDING ONE-NIGHT STANDS
In 1988, Dutch onion farmer Skink Matson of Shartlesville, PA, was able to recall the first names of 23 women with whom he’d had one-night stands, shattering a previous record of 21 held since the early 1920s by an Irishman named Corbin Primate.
SMALLEST ARTIFICIAL BREASTS
After five straight sleepless nights of meth-smoking, Bitsi Winnemucca of Dover, DE, used a kitchen knife to surgically implant two cherry stones wrapped in cellophane under her nipples.
In 1973, Leotha Gurnwipe of Caracas, Venezuela, thinks she had an orgasm during intercourse with her husband. It’s possible that she didn’tbut she thinks that she might have.
QUICKEST MARITAL LOSS OF INTEREST
After Panda Rickets of Alexandria, Egypt, married her husband Mark in 1944, she claims she lost the desire to have sex with him “almost immediately.”
YOUNGEST SEX PREDATOR
For reasons which are unprintable, a Brazilian infant identified only as Chico had to be separated from other infants at the hospital nursery.
MOST MEANINGFUL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MASTER AND SLAVE
Alabama slave-driver Lord Ashleigh St. John and his female slave Kitty carried on a physically intimate relationship throughout the 1840s, and neither one of them had a complaint.
LONGEST SUSTAINED HUMAN/ANIMAL RELATIONSHIP
For all but a few weeks during the entire span of his 14 years on the planet, a Mongolian sheep named Ali was anally penetrated by his owner, Elver Taipan.
MOST EPIC WET DREAM
In 1993, Jeremiah Thunderbreast of Mexicali, Mexico, had a dream lasting over 45 minutes that ended in a nocturnal emission. The dream spanned dozens of women and four continents. From start to finish, the soundtrack to Loverboy’s Greatest Hits played within Thunderbreast’s head.
A Russian prostitute named Eurasia Minsk once yanked on a client’s penis so vigorously that the organ was removed entirely from its socket.
MOST EXCUSES FOR IMPOTENCE
During 470 bouts of impotence during his life, Charno Bloodwort of Batsto, NJ, came up with 273 unique excuses for why he couldn’t get it up, including “I was upset about global hunger” and “I like you too much to think of you as a sexual object.”